Autobiography

My Identity, Re-Examined

“I have heard many wish that they had been more intermixed also: for my part, I am no wisher, and think it much better as it has happened.”-J. Hector St. John De Crevecoeur, Letters from an American Farmer

It took me a long time to figure out how to even start this paper. I didn’t think my schooling experiences were based upon one specific thing. So instead of trying to sit down and start this paper, I decided to go home and get some feedback from my parents on what they thought impacted my life. About halfway through my stay at home I realized that they were exactly what kept my schooling going. Anytime I ever needed anything throughout my life I could always depend on my parents, not necessarily to fix the problem, just for advice, or even just a little support. I asked my parents to read the instructions, and they started giving me feedback. I started to realize that I didn’t want their opinions, I wanted their support. I wanted them to know that I had a paper to write and that it was a big deal. But the main thing I wanted them to see was that I had a problem and that I would find a solution. I didn’t want their help; I wanted them to know that I could do it on my own. Sounds really stupid, but that is what I ask of my parents now. My family has had a huge impact on my schooling. It was expected of me to get good grades all through my schooling. With good grades came privileges and also more responsibility, as well as advantages and disadvantages.

In my elementary school, my teachers could relate to me on many different levels as compared to my classmates. I was considered upper class by my classmates. I had the opportunities of a white student, as most of them did not. My parents were always at school conferences checking on my improvement in school, making sure I was doing anything and everything to advance myself. I also think the teachers related to me personally because I was just like them, a white female. It was probably easier for them to be hard on me because I wasn’t going to pull a race or sexist card, as some of my classmates could have. My parents were also always willing to go on school trips, being as most other parents didn’t have the time to go. Since I had the extra help from parents and teachers I think that everyone involved expected a lot more of me. They knew that I have privileges that other students did not, and in that, I had the extra responsibility to do better and to work harder. I am now grateful to have the advantages that many other students did not and I truly think that has helped me succeed to where I am today. At that time in my life, I probably just wanted to be like everyone else and had parents that did not participate as much, but when I see where some of my classmates ended up, some in jail or with children, I realize that is what my parents were protecting me from.

The schools that I went to were definitely inner city schools. The funds that they received were based on the income of the local people. Needless to say our schools did not receive very much funding. Throughout school teachers purchased much of what they had in their classrooms. They bought folders, pencils, tissue paper, books, and many other things. We were always told to respect the things we were given because our teachers had purchased those things out of their own pocket. I always tried my hardest to keep those items neat and clean, not tearing pages of books and such, but other students did not respect these things. It seemed that way all through high school. Windows on doors were broken just because some one felt like doing it. It always seemed like our tax money was going towards things being fixed, never improved or purchases of new things.

A recent issue that is still in effect today is the teacher contracts. In short, teachers in my school district aren’t receiving the amount of pay that they agreed to; the reason being that the school district wants to put money towards bettering the schools. Some of the teachers are reported to shut their doors to students after school hours are done. I believe in the achievement ideology, however with situations like this, it cannot happen. In my mind, a child does not need a high quality school to achieve their highest goal. All they need is a little motivation, and support from someone who cares. With teachers closing the door to their students they are showing that they have little interest in actually bettering a child’s life.

Achievement ideology, the idea that everyone has the same chance to “make it”, is a major concept in my mind. I truly believe that anyone can be anything if given the right opportunities. There are many things holding people back, whether it has to do with financial situations, gender, race, sexuality or disabilities. I feel that if someone wants to be something bad enough that nothing will hold them back.

I want to become a teacher, and due to my surroundings I have a high chance of becoming so. Perhaps my route to being a teacher was more direct than other people’s routes. Maybe those people view their route as a struggle because of some of the requirements that are placed in front of them. My parents have helped me to pay for my education, helped sign for loans and help keep my good credit. Other students may not have those opportunities, their parents may make them pay for everything, not help in getting loans or even support their decision to go to college. I am at a high advantage to these people. However, I can also be looked at as disadvantaged compared to students that went to college with credentials lower than mine but with parents with more money, and therefore have their parents to pay for their entire education. They are free to go into the workforce after college with no debt, or worries of getting a job right away. The achievement ideology is much harder for some of us, as opposed to others. Being that I went to Lansing Eastern High School, an International Baccalaureate, I interacted with people from many different countries that spoke many different languages. Some viewed the language barrier as a disability rather than communicating with them as everyone else did. These students were just as smart as everyone else, they just had to learn our language as well as learn our curriculum. I’m also glad that I got to learn about other cultures first hand, as well as the emphasis that teachers put on it. When I have children like this in my classroom, I think I’ll be more prepared to work with them, especially when I understand that they are trying to adjust to our culture.

A person with a disability only has it because society does not provide for them the way they need. It is a socially constructed error. People with a language barrier only have it because our country does not provide a translator for them. In high school I wanted to take Spanish because I knew that someday I would have a child in my class that did not speak English. I wanted to be able to communicate with the child and make him/her feel more comfortable in my classroom. I have seen so many students go from class to class and not learn anything because they don’t understand. At that point why would they want to come to class? I want to make sure that my students want to be in class and understand what I have to teach them.

I used my epigraph in my first autobiography, and it still holds true. I am very happy with the area I grew up in, the schooling that I had, and also the way I was raised. I believe that my parents did the best they could for me. I was able to be supported while still doing many things on my own. I had advantages from my parents and my experiences at school, but still disadvantages for both. Overall I believe that understanding other people’s privileges and opportunities, and also the ones they lack, will make it easier for me to help the students find the tools they need to meet their goals.

Lies

I showed up at my school this week, and called my student out of his class. When he got to the tutoring room, he just said that he didn't have anything to do. No homework, no questions, nothing. I asked if he was failing any classes and he said he wasn't sure. After a little while of questions, he said that he didn't have any E's. Which lead me to believe that he was lying to me. How can you tell me that you aren't sure if you're failing, yet you don't have any E's. Once called out on this fact he changed his story to that he didn't have any lower than a C in any classes. At that point he must have been lying to me. Personally, it kind of offended me. I've met this kid a few times, and never implied any reason for him to have to lie. Just tell me the truth, I'm not going to yell at you. I really feel like I'm an authority figure to him, which I guess is the way it's supposed to be, but at the same time, I hope he feels a little more open with me. But I guess that isn't the case. Anyway, I asked him if he wanted to go back to class and he said yes, so I let him go. If a student doesn't want to be tutored or helped, then that is their decision. I'm not going to force anyone to sit down with me. And of course my other student wasn't there again.

I think maybe next week I might ask our director if I can have a third student to work with, or give me a little guidance with what to do in those situations.

Code Yellow

When I showed up to the school, there was not a student in the hallways. I thought that was really odd because it was the last two hours of a Friday. There were ALWAYS kids in the hall. I signed in, in the office and saw a fellow tutor when he told me that they were in a Code Yellow Lockdown. He said that our coordinator told us to go home and thanks for coming. I was taken back a little by it, because three weeks ago they were in a Code Yellow Lockdown, but we still tutored that day.

I had another agenda to do at the school anyway so it wasn't a completely wasted trip. I had to pass out something to my volleyball girls at the school. I knocked on the classroom doors and teachers were asking through the door who I was. It was very odd to me because the last time teachers were so quick to give their students hall passes. I wasn't even allowed to talk to any of my girls. I was asked by different security guards at the school what I was doing in the halls, I assume they thought I was a student at their school. The whole experience was so weird, why were they so concerned this week and not the time before? Either way, I didn't get to do much tutoring.

Pep Rally

When I arrived at my school, I went to the 'tutoring' classroom, and on the white board was a message about their schedule for the day. The kids were having their Winter Homecoming game that night, so the pep rally was during their 7th hour (one of the hours that I was at the school). The hour before was impossible to find the kids I was assigned to tutor. For the first hour I was on a hunt for my students, just trying to find them in the school. After 30 minutes I realized that by the time I found one of them, there wasn't going to be any time to tutor. So I went back to the room and started my own homework. Once their 7th hour bell rang, the pep rally was to follow. The band marched down every hallway and played their fight song, my old one. I decided to go to the pep rally, because I went to the school, so I knew the traditions and some of the people that still attend the school. Sitting in the bleachers of the fieldhouse was really old. I half expected to turn around and find my old school mates, but instead I just saw kids that I didn't really know. The format was the same, announcing all of the sports teams and recognizing the senoirs on the teams. Then watching the cheerleaders, drama club, poms, hot steppers, and more. It's funny to see how much I had forgotten about how high school was, and how the students acted at school events. The school had so much spirit. I hope to work in a school like that, where the students cheer for their peers, and support each other.

Cancelled

There was no school at the school I go to on my day, so I wasn't able to tutor a student.

All Them Parties

This past week was my first actual tutoring session. I never got to speak to my students teacher, except for the 15 second phone conversation. He didn't even know he was in a tutoring program. He came to our room without even a pencil, let alone a book. I asked him why he didn't bring a book, and he simply responded that he didn't even know why he was called out of class.

We went down to his locker and got his books and he stopped to talk to a few people in the halls, that were most likely skipping class considering they were asking about where the security guards were. He grabbed the book that he had the most homework in.

Once in the room, I asked him why he was put into this program. He said he hadn't been doing very good in his classes, and when I asked why he just said "I dunno." I told him to just do the homework on his own, because he said he knew what he was doing, and then told him if he had any questions just to ask. After about 30 minutes he said he was done and I went over the answers and they were all right. I asked him why he had done so poorly in his classes and he said that he just didn't ever feel like doing his homework.

One really funny part of the session was when I asked him if he wanted to go to college and where. He responded "State, so I can go to all them parties." I wasn't quite sure what to say in response to that. However, I couldn't help but laugh.

During my second hour there, I was to have a girl to tutor. I called but there was no answer to the phone, so I went to the class. The teacher said she wasn't in class that day and the students started talking about how she never goes to class.

Still Waiting...

So I haven't been to my school yet because we weren't supposed to start going until this upcoming week. We did, however, have a meeting at the school with the woman in charge of the Service Learning. Being that I went to this high school it was really interesting on how the counselor presented the school to my fellow students. I learned a few facts about the school that I had never noticed in high school, for example about 10% of the school is placed in the special education rooms.

The meeting was scheduled right before their school day ended. I forgot how many people would stand around the school, in the halls, outside, in the parking lot, anywhere, about 15 minutes before the last bell. After the last bell rang, I remember walking through the crowded halls and having someone run into you, and have them yell some rude comment about how it was your fault. There were so many bizzare and random events that happened between students that it's just funny today.

I sat in the office for a few minutes talking to the secretaries about how I was doing and what I had been up to when a girl came into the office asking to use the phone. (The secretaries always allow the students to call for rides or call their parents.) The girl had called a family member, it sounded like her sister, and started a conversation about where they were going after school. She continued the conversation for about 10 minutes. After the secretaries continuously asked her to get off, she responded by rolling her eyes and smacking her lips. This is something that happened very often when I went there. In a way it was funny to see the traditional actions of the students and how they treated the authorities. That's about when I realized that these kids were going to be treating me the same way. To them I am an authority figure. When I meet my kids for the first time, I want to make sure to explain to them, that I went to their school, and I expect to be treated with more respect than what I've seen in the past. I guess I'll see what happens.